This post will be a little difficult to push the publish button when completed. So in reality it was probably written weeks ago. Needless to say it is always difficult in becoming transparent with your issues and even harder coming to grip with said issues and dealing with them.
Awhile ago someone told me I should be checked for attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD AD/HD). I have to admit the way it was presented, I was not happy, I think I went into shut down mode….no I know I went in to shut down mode, and wasn’t interested in anything from that point on. Yet after sometime I did look into ADD and what it entails.
Thanks to the World Wide Web *Optimus Prime voice* I did some research and what I saw, I didn’t know how to digest… I saw a lot of me. Now during that time I had many thoughts. “Does this answer so many questions I have had”, “Is this just physiological mumble jumbo, another diagnosis to prescribe medicine or include extra office visits?” “If this is true then wow, I can get help…if it isn’t, then really what the hell is wrong with me?”
I thought that ADD was just for kids and it was something you grow out of. Come to find out it is often unrecognized throughout childhood. This was especially common in the past, when very few people were aware of ADD. Instead of recognizing symptoms family, teachers, or other parents may just put labels on ADD like dreamer, a goof-off, a slacker, a troublemaker, or just a bad student on you…and I was labeled those as well as others.
So as I continued reading, these points stood out.
When you have adult ADD/ADHD, life often seems chaotic and out of control. Staying organized and on top of things can be extremely challenging, as is sorting out what information is relevant for the task at hand, prioritizing the things you need to do, keeping track of tasks and responsibilities, and managing your time.
I found that common symptoms of disorganization and forgetfulness include:
- poor organizational skills (home, office, desk, or car is extremely messy and cluttered) – see photo
- tendency to procrastinate
- trouble starting and finishing projects
- chronic lateness
- frequently forgetting appointments, commitments, and deadlines
- constantly losing or misplacing things (keys, wallet, phone, documents, bills)
- underestimating the time it will take you to complete tasks
The kicker was read in regards to relationship problems. My family and those I am closet to will surely testify to this:
The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can put a strain on your work, love, and family relationships. You may be fed up with constant nagging from loved ones to tidy up, listen more closely, or get organized. Those close to you, on the other hand, may feel hurt and resentful over your perceived “irresponsibility” or “insensitivity.”
All the above mentioned is apparent in my life in some form or fashion and has been for all of my life. Now I’m really messed up. Part of me is thinking “Dude! It’s not your fault and you can be helped!” and the other side of me? “Dude, you just need to step up an do what you have to do!, stop being a wuss and handle your business!” That latter side of me has been ruling me the majority of my life because hey, when I was coming up kids with ADD rode the short bus and we made fun of the short bus students. And as an adult who wants the ridicule? I certainly didn’t, but at this point it doesn’t matter, things in my life have to change.
So this journey starts now. Soon I will get an official diagnostic evaluation and see what the results are. I’ll keep you posted.