Back in the late 80’s there was as group call “De La Soul.” They had a track called Me, Myself and I. It was one of my favorite songs at that time, but I didn’t even have a clue how I took the title to heart in my life.
I have looked back at life and found how selfish I have been and still can be. The selfish lifestyle I created has broken relationships, almost ended my marriage multiple times and kept me from really being what God has purposed me to be. It causes you to lie, cheat, steal, and become one of poor character. To know me is to say “what”???, but being selfish also causes one to put up a false image of themselves…usually because they don’t know who they are, or they are afraid to be who they are.
I never understood why some things happened to me in my life or why some people treated me funny. I see now that it was the wall of selfishness that I erected that turned them off. People don’t have to like you or tell you your wrong doings…so they move on in life and leave you alone. My parents have always taught me well, but you have to practice what is taught and grasp on what is instructed. That has been my problem for years, not wanting to be instructed. In the book of Proverbs you can find countless passages of scripture on instruction. Something that jumps out is how instruction is linked to wisdom in many cases. Juxtaposed to that is how calamity follows one who despises instruction.
When I first got married I didn’t have a clue of the concept of “what’s mine is yours and what’s yours in mine”. I was stuck on “DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!!” That statement not only meant natural things, but also mental. I was unwilling to share myself…which lead to not being able to truly love, for what is love if not unconditional?..That is another post in itself.
I found that the me, myself and I thought process comes from years of unfulfilled self-worth. My self-worth was lower than a snakes belly. I couldn’t buy a good thought or feeling. The zenith of my low self-worth came in my tenth grade year of high school, when I attempted suicide. I thank and praise God that my attempt of taking pills only gave me a long sleep and a big headache. I’m even more thankful that He has allowed me to live and come out of the oppression that hindered me for so many years.
Being selfish holds you in the starting gates of life. It constrains you in such a small space, while there is so much in life to capture…I’m 37 and I’m only recently figuring this out.
It is a good thing that life gives you an opportunity to correct the wrongs and continue on the good paths. Ever living…ever learning.