These last few weeks have been a lesson of life in fatherhood. I attended a funeral of my pastors father, I spent time with my father who is not in the best of health but still running with the best of them and I had to deal with my being a father or lack thereof.
In my life I have had three men I’ve called Father, my dad, and my former and current pastors. I grew up in a home with a dad and with access to other father figures…so I don’t know what its like to be fatherless. These men cared for me, helped me grow and punished me when needed (which for me was quite a bit). I learned much from all of them and have attempted to pass those teachings to my daughter….well “step” daughter.
If you have read any of my former post, anytime I mentioned my daughter “step” was never mentioned. I was always raised that you do the duties of a father; you are father, but today’s society (and maybe I’m naive) likes to make sure the titles are attached. Family was just family, but in this day and age where real fathers are few…family is no longer family…its split into sub categories.
I never attempted to take the place of a biological father, that’s not my charge, but I wanted to hopefully enhance the father “experience”. Some children never have a father figure in their life at all, and some are lucky to have more than one that care and support them like true fathers do. I do also understand that there can be a man in the house, but he is not a true father.
I found that the place in fatherhood I thought I had…I didn’t. It was a harsh and hurtful lesson, but a life lesson. Needless to say the logistics of the situation is a little to long to write at this time. I throw blame around everywhere even to myself. I had false expectations, false hopes…all leading to a broken heart.
As they say…’this to shall pass’. Will this stop me from being a type of dad? No. But things have drastically changed and it will transform the dad I was…from now on you can call me “step” dad or hey, just call me Darren.
I have always said you can function better when you know your place…well now I know mine in this stage of fatherhood.